Flashback Friday
Tonight was a strange evening. All in all a good one, but it seemed so surreal too. For example being the last day of school before a week break the kids themselves were crazy, but the closer to dismissal I found myself giddy. Truly why is it so darn exciting since the reality is I STILL have to work my church job (in fact extra hours on my normal "day" off Saturday) and also dispatch this coming week. On top of that I need to plan out the remainder of time till Christmas break AND put together an extension "binder" for a K student. Meanwhile aspire to spend quality time with my family/niece and nephew on 5 out of the 9 days till I head back. Yes folks there really shouldn't be a joyous feeling cause the work is the same. Alas, I suppose the majority of my days can be spent scheduling however I want and that is the true source of happiness.
Back to the flashback part.... littlest and I were jamming to great music in the short ride from G-ma's house to ours. That is truly my escape from the trials of this world, music. Despite walking in the door of my well lived in house discouraged about the "work" it required I was inspired to turn on the radio in my room. My room is my solace NO DOUBT!! Sweet baby girl quickly heard my commotion (course I am pretty sure you could hear it too, LOL). In no time we were laughing, dancing and having such fun. I wish I could say I forgot everything else but instead all I could think of is this is nearing the last. Once upon a time I would do this in my living room and all 3 would dance with me. A baby on my hip or clapping on the floor and a little boy diving to me just like this one is now except instead of my bed it was a coffee table. A blond girl with wide eyes and a loving smile twirling too. Oh how I wish I could return for a moment to back then. But since I can't I just held on to what I have now, hugging longer and closer... following along with her "coaching". We continued this way for 3 hours only stopping for dinner. This little girl's whole life has been reminding me of the times past through each step. Such a precarious way to live, one foot in the now and another stepping back.
Each time the station would play a less appealing song I would flip till we were satisfied. Stumbling upon an "old" song and muscles wearing down we turned to youtube for choices. This led me one place to another back to 1993. As the compilation of top songs for the year played I thought of those long ago days. I sure had NO idea 35 would feel like this. It sure did seem so old when I was a kid. These days it seems so young but when you have almost been out of school as long as you were in it you are neither young or old. Where do the days go anymore? It has been 19 years since then? 19 years!!! Good grief!
My Pastor says you should never go into the past unless you take God with you. I sure think he is right because now along with reminding me that nothing stays the same and my kids will be grown before I know it, I am reminiscent about past relationships too. Don't get me wrong, I TRULY do NOT want to rewind time. I NEVER want high school to happen again. But well, we all see things with rose colored glasses when it comes to the heart.
Amiss the flood of memories I glance to my right and see this hand me down book from my Aunt, I'd know you anywhere.
It seemed interesting especially when I read the description. Yet, for once in my life I am mature enough to know it is a can of worms I don't need to open. Sure fiction is not real but when I read something or listen to a song I feel it within deep inside. I am enveloped in the characters and their lives as if I know them personally. I dream about them, and think about how to help. It takes such a very long time to shake. I can name story, article or book after book that I carry with me also. I know my limits and will pass this on before the curiosity gets the best of me. In this same manner I shall ignore the reflection on people I once knew. I will choose not to delve into the music that will make it harder to do just that. I will walk away from such evil. Matt 26:41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Back to the flashback part.... littlest and I were jamming to great music in the short ride from G-ma's house to ours. That is truly my escape from the trials of this world, music. Despite walking in the door of my well lived in house discouraged about the "work" it required I was inspired to turn on the radio in my room. My room is my solace NO DOUBT!! Sweet baby girl quickly heard my commotion (course I am pretty sure you could hear it too, LOL). In no time we were laughing, dancing and having such fun. I wish I could say I forgot everything else but instead all I could think of is this is nearing the last. Once upon a time I would do this in my living room and all 3 would dance with me. A baby on my hip or clapping on the floor and a little boy diving to me just like this one is now except instead of my bed it was a coffee table. A blond girl with wide eyes and a loving smile twirling too. Oh how I wish I could return for a moment to back then. But since I can't I just held on to what I have now, hugging longer and closer... following along with her "coaching". We continued this way for 3 hours only stopping for dinner. This little girl's whole life has been reminding me of the times past through each step. Such a precarious way to live, one foot in the now and another stepping back.
Each time the station would play a less appealing song I would flip till we were satisfied. Stumbling upon an "old" song and muscles wearing down we turned to youtube for choices. This led me one place to another back to 1993. As the compilation of top songs for the year played I thought of those long ago days. I sure had NO idea 35 would feel like this. It sure did seem so old when I was a kid. These days it seems so young but when you have almost been out of school as long as you were in it you are neither young or old. Where do the days go anymore? It has been 19 years since then? 19 years!!! Good grief!
My Pastor says you should never go into the past unless you take God with you. I sure think he is right because now along with reminding me that nothing stays the same and my kids will be grown before I know it, I am reminiscent about past relationships too. Don't get me wrong, I TRULY do NOT want to rewind time. I NEVER want high school to happen again. But well, we all see things with rose colored glasses when it comes to the heart.
Amiss the flood of memories I glance to my right and see this hand me down book from my Aunt, I'd know you anywhere.
It seemed interesting especially when I read the description. Yet, for once in my life I am mature enough to know it is a can of worms I don't need to open. Sure fiction is not real but when I read something or listen to a song I feel it within deep inside. I am enveloped in the characters and their lives as if I know them personally. I dream about them, and think about how to help. It takes such a very long time to shake. I can name story, article or book after book that I carry with me also. I know my limits and will pass this on before the curiosity gets the best of me. In this same manner I shall ignore the reflection on people I once knew. I will choose not to delve into the music that will make it harder to do just that. I will walk away from such evil. Matt 26:41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Sigh.... growing up is tough. At what age exactly is one considered grown anyway? No one surely told me life would be this hard at every age!
On a happy note it is a pleasure to watch my oldest son share his achievements at school with me throughout the day. Even now, just he and I up late this Friday night. While playing the Wii game he stops every few minutes to explain his achievement or something "cool" he finds. He leaves me A plus papers as surprises and shares activities readily with me. Despite his daily forgetfulness with the 22.00 hoodie he has only owned for 2 weeks, this growing up stage is mostly positive. Oldest daughter... well Lord help us all respond in love with her moody behavior and tired body. I know these years are oh so crucial for her and man the tough love concept which seems most natural isn't in her best interest.
Here's to 10 years from now flashbacks being lined with confidence and not regret!
I remember when I thought my age range was old as heck and now I can't remember why I thought it was so old, I feel almost as young as I did when I was 20 just better! lolol
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