Mother's Day

  You're so complex are the words that ring in my head. They were spoken by family and confirmed by a friend. This was in response to gifts and birthdays. If you know anything about love languages then you will understand my top, and by top, I mean with a massive lead to all the others, is quality time. For me this entails actual sustained, though it can be for a short duration, intentional engaging with one another. Residing in the same home hardly touches this need, even beyond that neither does watching t.v. Let's be real who actually puts their phone down to do for more than minutes at a time anyway. 

Needless to say, on this hallowed day set aside to bask in what is supposed love of those you have birthed the statement that began this account makes a bit more sense. It is also more significant because my birthday is regularly on, r near recognized date. So, here I sit, tossing the difficult mindset around, determining whether I will allow it to encompass my thoughts and emotions. The jury is still out on that one but let's hope that the attempt to document here will land me the better choice. 

In the book Adamant by Lisa Bevere she captivates the reader in the very beginning by describing what is an adamant in the noun form. I cannot possibly even touch the beauty of the understanding so I will lead you to seek that out on your own. I was about to stop there and return to the challenging attempt to be with my family and not be disappointed by them. However, the 2nd chapter caught my eye when Lisa described herself as a difficult child. I simply had to find out where she was going with it. Like most children, each has no idea about the bigger picture of their parents' lives causing the parent they see. Instead, almost always t, the child assumes the lack or imperfection is their fault. In so describing her own experiences she added something that felt so personal. She shared, "We lose sight of our identities when we attach them to the wrong imagery. We lose our abilities when we allow fear and even the pain of others to bury our gifts. But we can run and hide in him, and he will speak the truth to the most intimate places of our hearts. He longs to rock the rejected in his arms and then plant us in his truth." 

I am known. I am not difficult to Him. I am beloved and welcome and in every fiber of my being at home with Him. Though nearly every part of my life involves being in the midst of places and people from whom I am different, it was God who placed me in this season. I knew all this before, but like every other human being t, the nature of the distance this culture creates, I need to be reminded o wash in the thawing of the Word and the presence of Christ. Oh, how I long to find a tribe where I don't have to question my perspective or consider my approach. No matter how well my family shows that I am loved, the one who created me, who knows my every thought loves me most. 

I am loved.