The Quiet Space

Space

Wide open space

Green pastures

Mountain sides

Oceans and beaches

Seemingly empty and yet so full space

I am frozen in these kind of places. 

Once upon my life, I yearned for filled spaces, bustling to-do lists that consume, active lifestyle with demands at every turn. I craved it all and hardly allowed a moment to be still unless of course there was a gaggle of family to do so. Now, I avoid the highly social events. Sure I can have fun at them but it is just so draining. My cup runneth on empty. I crave to be free from the bonds that hold me here. Presently, the only freedom comes in my mind pretending I just disappeared, started over in a brand new place. I remind myself that I would likely regret missing out on milestones and moments but then starkly can ignore how defeating those moments are in reality. Is this menopause, grief, midlife crisis, failing marriage, or age? I don't know but either way, joy gets harder to carry. What's so peculiar is the faith I feel amid all that uncertainty. I know I have a purpose beyond all this, I believe I am loved and worthwhile. So why does the quiet space grip me like quicksand? 
 
There are no answers today. 

Just

Quiet Space

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