Learning Curve
One never stops learning, well unless they decide to live in ignorance and pride that is. I have heard that statement and made that notion emphatically to my own children and school children. But when you think/reflect on it do you really believe that you yourself ACTUALLY keep learning?
Sure a new product helps cook, clean or whatever better than before or even an old product used in a new way counts as learning. Yet, deep within the core of who I am I am layer by layer uncovering things about myself like never before. I have had my fair share of trials, struggles and problems. I have lived with next to nothing, no heat but a kerosene heater in a closed off bedroom at night naive to inhalation concerns. I have had no shower but a bathtub only and torn up parts of a house to better my surroundings. I have made choices between eating and bills much in my younger years too. I have encountered death of people near and dear, brokenheartedness and more. I am certain there or MANY who have been through more than I as well. I have watched my child suffer and struggle to do what most learn in an instant, then experienced the joy of seeing him grow and thrive like never before. I have prayed on my knees for God to swoop in and change circumstances only for the trial to be part of the knowledge that he did help me in more suttle ways.
But never have I understood the thought process of being "broken" to be used. Over the years ministers have made remarks similar to that and instantly I get defensive and close in that MY God isn't out to get us. He no longer (Old Testament vs New Testament) causes harm. We live in a fallen world and life has natural consequences for our sin. Blah blah... You get my point.
Then my Pastor gave all staff members the book "The Tale of Three Kings" to read. The cover, and introduction sounded wonderful so I read on. The chapters are only a few pages long so it is an easy read. Well at least the first 5 because I stopped there. I instantly got frustrated with it because here we were back to this one must be broken frame of mind. But then, I asked a little birdy (my mother) to whisper to me another side of the story. She is so in tune to this stuff and doesn't think like me at all, (not in values but process that is). It seems she must really be on to something because the scriptures in my daily journaling, the morning message on Joy Fm and other readings turn to the same line of thinking. We are flesh on the outside, sinful and naturally drawn to wrong thoughts and actions. Pride if you will, over my way, my strength etc is what has to be broken. Some people encounter various other struggles but all must be broken from their own mind to be truly used. I get it, I get that I am taking the favor I have been given and my own capabilities and trying to be in control. I am so in control I am not as open to others as I think I am being. My inclination to "know it all" at times has me so set in my ways in certain areas NOT ALL that I am missing out on his tremendous opportunities for me to be used. I get it, I completely get it that I too need to be broken a bit more to walk with God. Life isn't easy and never ever will be. Man that is a huge dose of medicine I don't really want to take!
Sure a new product helps cook, clean or whatever better than before or even an old product used in a new way counts as learning. Yet, deep within the core of who I am I am layer by layer uncovering things about myself like never before. I have had my fair share of trials, struggles and problems. I have lived with next to nothing, no heat but a kerosene heater in a closed off bedroom at night naive to inhalation concerns. I have had no shower but a bathtub only and torn up parts of a house to better my surroundings. I have made choices between eating and bills much in my younger years too. I have encountered death of people near and dear, brokenheartedness and more. I am certain there or MANY who have been through more than I as well. I have watched my child suffer and struggle to do what most learn in an instant, then experienced the joy of seeing him grow and thrive like never before. I have prayed on my knees for God to swoop in and change circumstances only for the trial to be part of the knowledge that he did help me in more suttle ways.
But never have I understood the thought process of being "broken" to be used. Over the years ministers have made remarks similar to that and instantly I get defensive and close in that MY God isn't out to get us. He no longer (Old Testament vs New Testament) causes harm. We live in a fallen world and life has natural consequences for our sin. Blah blah... You get my point.
Then my Pastor gave all staff members the book "The Tale of Three Kings" to read. The cover, and introduction sounded wonderful so I read on. The chapters are only a few pages long so it is an easy read. Well at least the first 5 because I stopped there. I instantly got frustrated with it because here we were back to this one must be broken frame of mind. But then, I asked a little birdy (my mother) to whisper to me another side of the story. She is so in tune to this stuff and doesn't think like me at all, (not in values but process that is). It seems she must really be on to something because the scriptures in my daily journaling, the morning message on Joy Fm and other readings turn to the same line of thinking. We are flesh on the outside, sinful and naturally drawn to wrong thoughts and actions. Pride if you will, over my way, my strength etc is what has to be broken. Some people encounter various other struggles but all must be broken from their own mind to be truly used. I get it, I get that I am taking the favor I have been given and my own capabilities and trying to be in control. I am so in control I am not as open to others as I think I am being. My inclination to "know it all" at times has me so set in my ways in certain areas NOT ALL that I am missing out on his tremendous opportunities for me to be used. I get it, I completely get it that I too need to be broken a bit more to walk with God. Life isn't easy and never ever will be. Man that is a huge dose of medicine I don't really want to take!
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