How did they do it?

Someday I know I will regret (considering part of me does now) being aggravated because ALL of my children love and need me so much these days. A lot of the time they don't seem to need me together but well it does randomly happen that it is all at once. Sadly, these times are coupled with a lot of responsibility/activity on my part and I have less to give. The devil he is a smart one.

As I reflect on a not so great evening I am lead to think about Moses, Joseph and Job. These men endured far more challenging lifestyles with hardly any of the comforts I have so well. Sure, they groaned and complained etc but they stayed so steadfast and true to their cause, God above all things. How is it that a little lack of sleep, and demands of work/activities has stripped me from all that I stand for in a moment of weakness? Ok, maybe not ALL that I stand for but still how is it I failed in such a public way?

Sundays are usually a little work and a little rest. It feels like when church is over and I have taught both campuses I can finally relax. We all come home and collapse, no chores, no errands just being home. This happens to really be the one and only day of the week we do just that. But this Sunday, well this Sunday was the start of 3 days of demanding dance/cheer pictures, rehearsal and recital. Take that and include the littlest who had a 102 fever for 2 days this morning being the first time fever free having not sleep nearly at all 2 nights ago too. Well, you get where I am going. I should have known better, I should have taken better care. I myself worked 3 nights in the last 7 days and not once did I sleep well by choice or by force. One never realizes there limits until they have hit them I think.
Anyway, I came home and didn't really want to head out. I also didn't put forth ANY, zero, nada effort in checking what was needed for recital attire. Instead I grabbed velcro and good scissors, costumes etc along with a woken up early from nap little girl. Uh huh, the future for me is pretty clear in black and white now right?

Yep, I got annoyed with the several steps required to attach, and adjust things. I bummed out when I realized the velcro needed heat from an iron for it to seal to the fabric. THEN, I lost my patience with the 4 year old who wouldn't go into the pictures by herself. Yes sir, I was short, crabby and probably a tad rude. It was then that she crumbled and ended up not taking pictures at all with me whisking her away to change and call Daddy to pick her up. Ah, yes many parents witnessed my less than supermom moment. I am so very ashamed. I imagine many of them felt sorry me knowing we have all been there and wished they could have helped. I also know they will remember that interaction. Along with such I forever have lost out on the opportunity for Evangelene to be in these first recital pictures for Miss Annie's studio or our scrapbook. I cannot recover this lost event because I didn't take a deep breath and walk in love to my own sweet needy, slightly under the weather still daughter. Sigh, mommy guilt and then some weighs heavy on my heart.

No worries, this too shall pass but until then it kinda just sucks! Upon arriving home my youngest son was clingy, irrational and weird. Double sigh because I felt as though there was nothing in the well at all. BUT this time, oh this time I began a bit rough and found the grace from God to redeem the moment. In his bed we chatted about his current problem of manipulating the truth. We speaker phoned G to clarify that this is a true problem and we determined the outcome ahead. We snuggled and I loved on my son explaining all the ways I was also proud of him. I complimented him on things such as his work ethic, his courtesy and kindness towards others and more. I was clear, specific and uplifting for him in this dark moment of bad choices. I pray that I filled his spirit to be encouraged to change. Thank God for giving me what I couldn't muster myself.

Of course, in the meantime of doing so #2 and #4 appeared twice each. I was patient with the last but ended up crushing the 2nd because she intruded knowingly on her brothers time. She wears her heart on her sleeves and though she is a girl of few words, words mean everything to her especially from me. Daddy appears and did his thing giving her some male attention while I headed for the oldest and youngest bunking together tonight. My youngest insisted I lay with her exactly as I was with her brother chattering away at me. She is in love with me as much as or more so than I with her. It is an intricate sight to behold. Then she shared some funny information with me. She said when asked why she didn't take the picture, "Jesus was not in my belly with me. Neither was Santa Claus or God too." You must understand that she believes Jesus lives in your belly more than your heart. Needless to say I explain how she just needs to ask me to pray with her, or pray herself to help her be brave even when it is hard. Her response, "Police man help you too, not as much as Jesus. Sometimes they arrest people, but the help people. Firefighters help people, that's all that help." I have no idea where the fascination with arresting people is coming from but glad we got it all worked out. Here's to her performing at dance rehearsal!!

#1 well, besides scaring me when I went to hug him goodnight he was the only one who needed nothing from me. I genuinely hugged him tight because I think he needs that more than he knows and exited the room. I imagine he has a bright, promising and unbelievable future ahead! My last and final stop was with my rockstar. She clearly was jealous with the extended time her brother received. But did end up laughing again when I shared her silly sister's remarks. Tomorrow I have got to make some quality family time since the cousins are not with us. I pray that I learn from this day, that I spend more time in God's word so I can give out more than I did this day. I pray that the you dear reader get some perspective from my mistakes too.