I think I see red...

I think I am beginning to see what the real color red looks like. Uh, no it isn't because today is Valentine's either.

My youngest daughter #4 is a redhead. Well, more of a strawberry blond than a carrot top yet no doubt red. I have always loved that since it set her apart from the crowd, and helps with my older daughter being a BEAUTIFUL blond. I want them to have a tight bond, and not compete in the beauty department. This sure helps.

#4 will be 2 in 2 short months. Today being the 14th means she is officially 22 months old. She was nearly potty trained at 17 months but that has begun to wain. I really think it is because she just doesn't care. If we are not at home she will tell me every time no questions asked. Yet, at home in the last week she has peed in her pull up or underwear every time. I am left to guess when she should need to go and put her there. My saving grace is I am bigger, and she is too short to get off the potty herself...Bribery with candy even not so appealing. Darn child, she seemed like this hurtle was going to be the easiest.

Next she went through a small blip of fit throwing. It didn't last long,or so I thought. Even took place without yelling. Really she would flop on the floor and say nothing when she didn't get her way. This was just fine with me. I am a seasoned mom. A war veteran having survived a child who would wail and scream banging her head on the ground, and a child who would get in my face and yell back till I outlasted him. Yes, I believe I have earned my medal for determination and bravery. Those 2 kids came out of it pretty darn well.

That too past and all seemed normal. See here is where I lose points for being naive. I have been in this place before. Fool me once, fool me again but you won't fool me three times right? Hmmm well maybe I have been fooled 3 times. I truly have taken for granted that she will begin to exert her ornery side and torment her siblings. I had forgotten that like #3 being littler than the others means she will need to be resourceful and establish her place in a bigger bolder way than the others. I have already forgotten that spending so much time with a rough and tumble boy is affecting her attitude, mannerisms and more. How easy we forget..

My #4, the child who speaks some words so clearly she is mistaken for her siblings. The child who can open a child proof lid on a prescription bottle, the child who says yellow like lello for colors, and even as a response to I love you., ...my 4th and quick child who is understanding more than she should ever know by the peers who live with her gave me a run for my money tonight.

Some time ago her older sister starting allowing her to head down to her room and snuggle, read a book or two while they wait for me to make my rounds. I then say goodnight and dear little Diva girl says goodnight with me. This then makes her the last to bed. How the youngest has earned the right to be the last to bed is one minor example of her sneaky authority.

Sunday nights have been nights where there is a show I prefer to watch at 8pm. Since this is also bedtime I send everyone to their rooms, turn on the show in my room and watch till a commercial. I then go back and forth during commercials. #4 saw no humor in waiting for me in my room. She had an agenda, and I was not following it. Now I am quite capable of ignoring being whined/yelled at by a toddler. Distraction does work best, but reinforcing the yelling by giving attention also is an issue. Course, to ignore means it is slightly more difficult to hear something. OK makes it near impossible to hear, this in turn challenges my patience level. I can turn the volume up, but I think the internal volume of children gets turned up twice as much so listening more intently seems to be the best option.

Previously when the attempt did not result in her favor she would leave and find someone who would come verbalize her needs. That someone ends up in trouble because they tend to be rude, frustrated by #4's rudeness to them. Vicious cycle this whole thing is really. Man, does she already rule the house? I think so...

Tonight was like no other night. #4 never moved, never relented, never gave up. She called my name in our sing song form of she says Mommy I say #4 over and over. This ended quickly with hand gestures and grabbing. That too resulted in little other than my vague attempt at distraction turned basic explanation of mom speak in a minute. She moved straight from these things to slamming my door shut, more than once since #1's clothes were on the door in the way. That made me laugh only fueling her fire. She was yelling now. I think I did an actual double take because she was red faced and yelling at me eye to eye. I managed to remain straight faced and calm as I re-explained in a minute.

This time when my attention moved back to the tv she headed for the door. I presume she planned on leaving. Sadly she could not get it back open and threw herself full bodied into it. I am not sure if this was a WWE move from wrestling matches with Daddy or redhead anger. But it was almost scary. She fell to the ground screeching like a bald eagle diving for its prey. I went to her uncertain of injury. As soon as I got within inches she jumped back up and dove at me. She was now mumbling, crying, yelling all at once. Still at a loss of possible injury I scoop her up and begin to inspect. When I take one step backwards away from the door and leaned her petite toddler body in the vicinity of the bed the noise changes to a loud, obnoxious NO repeatedly. She was out of my arms and at the door again. She said No mommy, Bubba. I froze. Was this really my kid? I know she has a temper, I know she wanted her way to say goodnight to Bubba but could she come full circle in this argument like this? My silence must have caught her off guard too. She stopped. It was quiet for no more than a minute. It is uncanny how 1 minute can feel like a lifetime. In that minute we looked at each other, our eyes met and I saw it.

My mother talks about the day when I looked her eye to eye and realized I was bigger than her and could take her. She said she saw the thoughts flash through my eyes and knew it was over that day. Well, this redheaded little 4th child of mine gave me that look today. I believe she thinks she can take me. Hmmmmmmm. Yep no matter how many kid you have they still keep you in check. Gonna need a new play book for this little ball of fire.

She must have known it was too early in the game to reveal all her secrets, or maybe just maybe tired baby body wins more than the will. But, she reached to me. I swooped her into my arms and in fact headed to her room. She got her way, got my complete attention. Yet I got my way and she did not get to say goodnight to Bubba. To her room we headed. Her music played, the fan whirred and she rested her while body against mine. Her head remained on my shoulder her arm around me. I sang and prayed over her like every other night. When I laid her down, kissed my hand and put it to her forehead like every other night. She usually then says nigh nigh mommy. Tonight she grabbed my wrist and said lello mommy. This may be the first time she said I love you without me saying it first. As I think about letting my heart melt I say love you too #4.

Now that I am writing this I have to wonder..is she checking to see if I still love her or is she plotting her options for round 2? I am thinking it may be a little of both. Yep, I love her but I think I will dust off the boxing gloves just in case.