Oxymoron and Proverbs 3:5

Yep see that picture on the right... This is a post from me, can you believe it? I hardly believe that next baseball season I will be a die hard fan but well the world series is pretty big and since they are from my hometown I am feeling the excitement. If you live here I think you know what I mean, it is everywhere. PLUS I am constantly around oodles of kids who ARE interested and need to have a clue what they are talking about. SO, therefore Joey and I are watching game. Yep I said that too another strange statement. You see my dearest oldest son is grounded. When he is in such a place he will take a screen any way he can get it, even baseball. You can hear him shouting at the players, cheering with the crowd and intently involved in the action. The whole thing crack me UP!
11 is a rough deal, being old enough to know but still immature enough to maintain expectations. Per hubby's initial suggestion and my gut instinct we are back to earning his time. I am all about the goal ahead and not focusing on the struggle in front of you. Baby steps are required when changing the heart. But man this road is tough. I see the glazed over eyes when I am talking, the blank face and I know I haven't reached his heart. His sweet heart, I so remember that. I can hear his little voice and those chunky stubby fingers from the toddler stage. In those days he fought through every physical hurdle in front of him defying his therapists who commented over and over about his efforts. He would give his right arm to share with others and he laughed in an infectious way. There was just something about his makeup that encouraged you to take part.
These days those the hard knocks of a cruel reality, the temptations of being surrounded by a narcissistic, greedy, selfish world and the flesh has put us here. Tonight while I sat on the floor giggling with my other son bowling with giant pins enjoying the beautiful weather I wished for a moment I could just stay right here in my house and focus on only them.
Tides have turned and I want to home school them, to use teachable moments in creative ways and not stress about all the other responsibilities everywhere else. This time is so short, 7 more school years and that is it. Folks that is NOTHING! Course as I tell God all these crazy thoughts I laugh at how I have come full circle in my words. Thank goodness God knows best cause I have prayed for many a thing and then the opposite years later. It is all about perspective and choices. Good thing I know in my heart that the road that makes sense is a full time teaching job (just one job) where my kids can attend and learn more about God. I also know that time will get us there and transitions can be hard. Over and over his enduring love and provision has been revealed to me. My needs kept getting met. The scripture I am teaching the preschool kids at church is Trust in the Lord. Proverbs 3:5 I suppose I needed to remember the rest of the scripture; Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Note to self taken during the strange baseball watching time.