thinking, reliving

Moments before our last baby was born
Tonight I went to meet my cousin who is having a baby. Awhile back I offered to help her with the baby registry stuff because well it is hard the first time around. Companies have smart marketing campaigns that create things like a mattress cover for a baby mattress that oh is waterproof anyway! I remember vividly how daunting the task was and thought I could be helpful. Time treked forward as it always does and BAM she is 6 months pregnant. Whew that was like a blink for me, an hour's drive away that is. She called and wanted my help after her and fiance got frustrated.


My sidekick and I
The crew and our parade traditions
Fast forward to tonight and it was tons of fun. I shared my opinion or suggestion of preference on some things that made no matter. In turn she said several times, "Just tell me which to pick." We sat in the registry chairs for a few minutes to chat and then each went our own ways. As I drove though, I did what you can count on me doing, reflected. I reflect on my word choices, body language of other people present etc. I regret one statement that was quite possibly internalized as less than supportive but otherwise am happy with the time. Also, as I recognized the typical belly rubbing of a pregnant momma how much I miss that time. I mean don't get me wrong I DO NOT want to have another baby. But, well the first baby is such a precious thing, ESPECIALLY when you get to stay home. I wouldn't want to reverse because man, no money, looming surgeries and appts galore were those days for me. Yet I miss that stillness of just you and the baby. I miss when life didn't seem to be filled with places to me, activities to attend, folders to check, homework to do and more. I miss looking down at my belly full of God's given miraculious life, of experiencing the joy and sorrow breastfeeding, lack of sleep. I remember.
Funny how this place is, the place I watched from afar as my babies were small wondering how their life was with big kids to not need them so much. Soon, I will longingly look back as I drive by soccer games and ball games missing all this errand filled days too. But for now I will check the rear view mirror from time to time to help me hold on to the days ahead a little bit tighter.
I love this pic. Evangelene was so little so it was one of the first whole crew pictures. We look so darn happy.
This is such an amazing picture because much of my life those days were minus Daddy. Either fire station or second job he was not with us for holidays and events. I love how #1 was his classic silly, outgoing self. #3 was his shy I am sticking with momma only stage self, #4 facinf away from me because that was the only way she would be held and lastly #2 not lost in the shuffle but thrilled to be helper and sister. Priceless!

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