One day

Today, Friday #4's 1st day but the last day of the week for the rest.

The official first day for the big 3 (Monday)
One, not 5, nor 6 or 8 just one is a lonely and specific number. It can be good number like one love, one million or one life but bad like one chance. Today was my one day where all kids were in school and I was free to do whatever I chose. Slightly obligated and mostly interested I spent it with my mother and Aunt. I truly have the greatest aunt's alive whom drop everything if I am in need and devote much time to my family and me. I am increasingly aware of the unique gift my family is regardless of any faults we all as humans have (myself included). I digress because I simply must express the most important grateful things.
#4's trek into the school world is like most would expect precarious. She is my baby and as much as I want her to grow up I want to hold on cause the end is near. I missed her today and had to fight the urge to call and check on her throughout the day. They are little for such a short time and while emotionally ready for this step, a socially necessary step for her specifically I HATE to lose any bit of it. Tonight once together I snuggled as much as humanly possible and thankfully being one of 4 she ATE it up!
Now what did I do in my one and only day? Well, first I got everyone to their designated places. I won't go into detail about the encounter at one of the schools which frustrates me to the core. Vented more than I should with the other school and headed off telling God I was handing all of it to him because I needed my break. Mom and I chatted and shopped at the resale shop, thankfully which netted a Santa find for each child (more than one for #4). I enjoyed perusing the Christian Bookstore too far to check regularly and without children. Aunt, Mom and I ate my favorite orange chicken at Panda Express in the mall then headed to see the movie "The Help". It was a difficult decision to go or not go being 2 1/2 hrs long but mostly a good one. While I valued the movie I have officially accepted the fact that I simply cannot watch a drama (realistic or nonfiction). I do this with books, news stories, magazine articles and more. My mind empathizes with a child, woman, animal or man even that suffers unjustly and it stays with me for weeks, months even. The events play like the movie over and over in my head as if I am watching it right this moment. I hear the words said, the sounds of anger and pain which I cannot shake it.
I remember as a child my mother struggling with certain movies that back then meant nothing to me and being annoyed with her. How I regret that judgement now.. course my pride has never admitted that to her face but I'll get there :) Anyway, reality rings true any time in history as much as today. Children are not loved and nurtured, people are abused and left for dead. The world is an evil place and nothing can take all that away until Jesus descends from above again. I know I am here on this earth for a specific purpose and that during my time here bad things will still happen no matter how much I pray and have faith. These are the moments when I simply say, "Heavenly father take us all away now, please."
After the movie the shopping part was overtaken with a sense of despair for the past. I enjoyed looking and purchasing many items for my kids and husband but at the same time there was something off in the air. Mom and I stopped to purchase a few more items from a Craigslist post for #1 and the final piece for #3's room. Once home I stashed the presents and unloaded the blessings including beloved brand name cereal courtesy of Aunt net. Funny she anticipated me shopping for work clothes and I wish I could have done that with her but I can't seem to get past spending someone else's money. It is silly I know.
At home the big 3 were as expected, tired and vegetables ya know as in Pretty Woman the movie, "laying still like broccoli." #2 engaged upon the arrival of clothing presents and #4 had to wear every new item. We snuggled, danced and played and she crashed out on the bed. I changed her leotard for pj's and held ever so tightly on the no too long walk to her bed. I really LOVE that kid. #3 wasn't far behind running circles like a rabid animal and finally crawling in a ball with my pillow and blanket on the floor. I whisked him too in my arms to bed thrilled he is not too heavy for me yet. #1 and #2 prayed with me like we normally do and then trotted downstairs to enjoy the company of each other in #1's room. Sibling relationships are interesting to say the least to this..well one, only child.
A worthwhile final hurrah this weekend, sleeping in tomorrow am and my stay at home mom days are through. Wish me luck next week balancing it all! I think I won't need it but it can't hurt hehe.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Talking is fundamental

Image
6 people live in this house of mine. Most days there is plenty of space for everyone to move about separate of another. The outdoors is 10 acres of mostly wide open space for freedom. The one thing there is not enough of is quiet. #1 can talk your ear off and then some. He continues to read and reread his Titantic book, quizzing his siblings and myself. I really don't understand how Daddy misses out on the quizzes but some things may never be understood. The only way I get quiet is to allow electronics. I will admit that I have done that more than once to ensure a moment or two to think, better yet not think. Since #2 and #3 are playing ball this summer he keeps saying he is going to play next summer. Poor thing feels left out of the hustle and bustle. I am not so sure he would enjoy the pressure to perform but we shall see. #2 can talk as she chooses but is easily engrossed in her writing or reading. Conversations with her are based on real life events, or thoughts about futu...
Read more

Ugh!

My husband has this cough, ANNOYING cough which appears to have absolutely no purpose in life. I must endure in silence because I am pretty sure he wouldn't do it if he could help. Yet all I can think of is the last time I tried to be politely quiet which back fired. Stop me if you have heard this story, or well skim ahead. :) I was awaiting the birth of #2. It was night and I was 9 cm dilated. Although this was my 2nd full term child, it was my first real labor with #1 being a breech c-section. The time approached 9pm and the thoughtful well practiced nurses encouraged me to "get some rest" before I was to push. You never know how short or long pushing turns into so I readily agreed (the epidural making it possible to think about relaxing in the first place). All (as in the 4 other people) were kicked out of the room but hubby decided to come back. I suppose his concept of not leaving me completely alone was well intentioned but what took place was far from helpful. I ...
Read more

Valentines, Boys and food

Last night all 3 big kids sat with me on the little couch reading books. One of them was called will you be my valentine. Michael asked what a valentine was and as I was explaining about "boy" friends and boy friends/ girl friends and "girl" friends. Annabeth then says so you and Daddy knew each other when you were kids. I tell her no and she gets confused. She asked some more questions suprised to hear that Daddy wasn't my only boyfriend. She asks if I kissed the other boys and I hestitated but said yes. She asked how old I say when you are 16 you might kiss a boy, HA! Daddy chimes in and says more like 20. All the kids yell at him because he usually does add something to tease with. Annabeth then covers her mouth and says I am NOT going to kiss a boy. Jan 1st 2010 we were heading to eat Chinese. It was 10:30am. Joey said I haven't eaten breakfast. I said well you should have done that before we were leaving can't you wait. He said nothing so I left t...
Read more