life lessons

As I am now fully immersed in a weekly life of 7 kids I have been forced to fight some of my own inner struggles. Anyone out there who is a parent knows that simply having a child requires a GIGANTIC change on how you think and act. Yet, the fewer kids the easier it is to maintain a semblance of normalcy. Well, assuming you are not a single parent. If you are well, I cannot even try to compare or summarize. At 4 children, and a husband who works 2 jobs (one being 24hr shifts), I can safely say having a me life is barely existent.
I cannot solely blame my children for the lack of me time over the years. I could have chosen how to spend my money (what little there was)other ways to go out. I could have ignored the voice in my head screaming they need me too much to leave. I could have done those things and didn't. I can never get that time back either so I am gonna let it by a wash for the past is the past. We all see 20/20 looking back right?

Anyway, die to self is my internal motto on many a day that I just wanted to jump up and down and yell I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna! I cannot even guess how many times that has happened in the last nearly 10 years I have been a mom. Let's just say a lot. I have made several changes since my last child. I make time to scrapbook, even if I wish I could do it more. I have attended several events with the amazing mom group I couldn't live without. I taken up the offer by my parents to keep 1 or 2 kids while running errands or attending activities with others. I get up at 6am (assuming my husband didn't mess the alarm clock up by 10 min like today). I am learning and working on improvement. 2010 was supposed to be a year of new found balance for me.
So, that said I had a revelation (a little inspired by the pep talk from Mom). As my children are learning financial lessons this summer with snack allowance and opening bank accounts, I should learn one too. Isn't that why teachers are so good, they never stop learning, and they adapt while they teach? Here goes my lesson for the summer. I will learn what things I absolutely cannot give on being clean each day, and let the rest go for once a week deeper cleaning time. I will allow myself to be immersed in these children who will only care for me to join in for a short time longer. I will cherish the moment rather than the next hurdle ahead. I will let some things go. I will if it kills us both force my husband to pick up the load I cannot carry because we have to be a team. I will help him learn to be my friend even if I do not want to teach him too. I will let go of the times he has let me down by not showing me he values me,birthday's 2 years in a row that did not exist, anniversary and on. I will kindly explain the little stuff I need from him because he is an amazing father and I know he really does the best he can with the tools he has. I will trust my heavenly father above to equip me with all I need to do just those things, even when it hurts. I will continue to pray in the shower to start my day, to focus on God's word at some point each day to feed my spirit man too.
I will, not I can't...not its too hard today....I will die to self and become the mother/Aunt/Babysitter that can stand before Jesus and hear him say you did well my good and faithful servant. Here goes.........