random ranting thoughts..I think

I love having this blog because it gives me an outlet to think. share and be simply me. Yet at times it can be defeating because well the reality is I want just that to share. I believe God created us all unique and with a divine purpose. He instilled traits and desires deep within the depth of each and every cell of our bodies. Rooted within me is the desire to share with people. I want to live, breath and feel life every second of every day. I want someone in the here and now to take part in that life with me. I realize that no one person can be that always. I think I would shut out the rest if that were the case. Yet, often as in daily I feel as though I am alone. I hear the words of a song and it moves me. I watch a commercial beyond the stupidity of advertisement and it makes me ponder. I run and jump from topic to topic debating within myself thoughts of meals, mortgages, future and the sun. I know I am not the ONLY person in the world who does these things yet I am surrounded by people who either haven't a clue what the song, tv show or movie said, or do not internalize it yet.
I wanted to have my own pity party several times yesterday but I am choosing to cry out to God when I have thoughts of frustration rather than whine to man. In that I am still thankful, for my life is amazingly blessed. There are millions, even closely connected people who are fighting much greater battles. PLEASE do not misread. I am simply finding the place where I know me, am ok with who I have become and know where I am headed..and with whom. The song Battlefield was playing during near the end of today's run and I dug deep to make it the full 3 miles reflecting how much the fight of living in this world but not being of it feels exactly like that.
On a different vein my husband headed out today for a weekend with his brothers and Dad in honor of his 80th bday this year. I giggle to myself because these 4 men are related but are far from close in a women's definition. Families are so very odd sometimes. I cannot compare their relationship to my definition, rather I let it breathe its own air. They will be spending 48 hours to be exact together. Sleeping in one hotel room. My husband took his sleeping bag to sleep on the floor HA. He said, "I am not sleeping in a bed like that, and where are a pair of ear plugs anyway." I am thinking he has forgotten that he is in fact 42 and the floor is not what it used to be when he was in the Army, LOL. I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall for this trip. It is sooo good for them. Mom Colbert has been gone for 2 1/2 years now, how time flies and they need this time to carry them later.
Today I took the 6 kids, one not here to a park. It was an amazing time, filled with hilarious moments. I left approx 2 hours before my husband was to leave giving him some "cave" time as he is naturally an introvert. He probably needed that to make it the weekend. While I was gone he watched a war movie and folded not sorted one load of wash. There is another difference I understand. If I were left to my own devices I would have done chores, and prepared things to make his weekend without me easier. He on the other hand didn't think of that, and frankly didn't need to. I am Supermom after all. Just kidding, but seriously I now can be ok with no expectation of his time alone. It really is good to take a break once in awhile. How much I/we have grown in these 11 1/2 years!
During my time out with the kids, #1 found friends to play Star wars with. #3 joined him and they were a good team. The "girls" (niece K, #2) spent the time moving about together, sometimes being motherly to #4, others being near tween girls. This is a precarious stage where the imagine, create and "play" yet in that are attempting to be "older". At one point they informed me they were not bored while sitting still but were taaalking (you must draw it out to repeat). Also, no grownups were allowed. They were playing Truth or Dare. As any good parent I hovered nearby to confirm the topics of such game. I chuckled to my self appearing that it was #4 who caused me to do so. There was much questioning about boys, who or if they like like one etc. The game continued in the car with #1 involved, but as predicted he changed the way the game was played. He clearly did not understand how truth worked asking questions like do you know where I got this scratch, or who was the lead clone trooper. I do believe I barely muffled my laughter at the correction of the rules. Innocence is so bitter sweet. This is the cusp of what is to come next. I want to hold on to this summer with them. I am afraid it won't be the same ever again.
Well, enough said. I can ramble with the best of them. Off to prepare for a night of surprise cleaning, decluttering at my FIL for a belated Father's day gift. Until the next time....