AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Hair pulling, irritaing frustration comes from a sound as titled above.

In life I believe (notice the I because you may not agree and that is ok), I believe that people lean towards the same kind of people as friends and mates. Not saying the same as themselves but definite personalities in said friends etc. I also feel that our baggage from life experiences tends to impact such attraction. In my world I seem to find those that need something from me. I am a nurturer by nature and need to be needed. Yet in such things I get drained, yep Supermom on tv is not so super from time to time. Like for example I go through waves where my desire to share life with people and interact feels one sided. Where I temporarily pull away and recognize that I am who I am because it makes me happy not because it will inspire others to relate to me the same. I snap at my kids because even though I recognize they are tired, I forget that I am as well and expect too much from myself. I sit here up waaay too late because a friend of mine has needed me to be there for them in time of death and just want to sleep and say nope I don't care about the drama I have my own. I secretly resent my husband for being able to be selfish with monetary gifts when I choose not to myself and wish he knew how to be romantic. Yet I wont teach him such because that frustrates me too continuing the cycle of stupid for us both.
I want the world to revolve around me for a moment. I want to type this rant with no consequences of it staying floating out there and me feeling guilty. I want, I want, I want. Alright, there I had my piece and God is most likely shaking his head.
I have a warm home, food to eat and treats at that. I can take my kids places, and let them participate in activities too. I can do amazing things with the gifts God has given me and my rewards are not here but being stored up in Heaven. I can remember that this too shall pass and how proud I will feel at being "that" friend because Jesus was that too. Whew, tantrum over. I will now continue on with my night super glad that you won't judge my sin nature rearing its ugly head and be proud of me for checking it back where it should stay.

Comments

  1. Katie&GregJanuary 14, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    Oh girl! I have these moments too! :) Praying for you! I'm impressed with how quickly you can go from wanting all of that and then knowing you know better! It takes me a good couple of days to put those thoughts back where they belong! haha. :)Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  2. EbethteachJanuary 14, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    Oh thanks Katie. I was feeling guilty at my selfish rant and thought about deleting it. But, since you did exactly what I put..forgive me for my moment then well I guess here is yet another reality of imperfection:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Book WhispererJanuary 19, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    Imperfections is what makes people beautiful. There is nothing so boring as a perfect person unless we're talking Jesus and he made Perfect look good ;-) Personally I find i'm very distrustful of people that always seem to "have it together". My suspicious nature starts to twitch and I wonder "what are you hiding that's so bad?" Of course this is all coming from a loud mouth, narcissist who regularly bares her soul to the world..LOL so take that with a grain of salt..lol. I think human beings are meant to be selfish at least once in a while and nothing wrong with a nice rant to put your stressed out world back on it's axis.

    ReplyDelete

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