Goodnight round 2

I don't know about the rest of you that are moms but sometimes (a select few times) after everyone is in bed instead of rejoicing I feel guilty. Maybe I snapped at someone earlier, or maybe I wasn't able to nurture someone because I had to choose between the 4 who are all beckoning for my attention. Or possibly even more I am being led so softly that I don't even recognize the hand from above pushing me. Regardless of the motivation tonight I felt lead to make a return trip to 2 of my kids, a 3rd by default. I am so thankful I ignored the distraction temptation to be selfish and sit here on the computer instead.

Evangelene the Queen has reared her terrible two/nearly three I am child hear me roar self. She really has lived a life of leisure with all doting on her. When I say all I do mean ALL, siblings, Aunts, Uncles, grandparent, friends, peers even me more often than I will regularly admit. In the last day or so the bold eye to eye contact, evil grin and direct disobedience has went beyond tolerable or excusable and she has seen the wrath of rebellion. When early in the day she was less than pleased in my rules she ran to the couch, flung herself upon the cushion (much like her older sister has dramatically demonstrated) and buried her head. Taking note of my awareness she tilted her head, paused, grinned largely with the corner of her mouth doing the #1 and Daddy non smile smile. "Your mean mommy!" blurted clear as day from that petite strawberry blond head. One can only imagine my need to disguise laughter, and my escort to time out because such attitude is about manipulation NOT hurt feelings and this momma will NOT be taken advantage of!!! No timer was even set, not that she noticed. When the faker than fake sobs ended short but sweet reprimand, apologies repeated till correct and hugs commenced. Nap time with G since #1 had therapy ended in a phone call to me because she wouldn't stay in bed after his repeated attempts told me the law is gonna show up OFTEN for awhile. So sad, but no suprise when bedtime didn't entail exiting on her part but instead getting up, crying over imperfect covers and on. Cry, cry, cry cause my room is FAR away from yours girl:)

Upon arrival home #2 had some waterworks much to do of nothing kinda stuff so I spent extra time at bedtime. I hooked up the wireless mic G provided her to karoake machine, rearranged and chatted. We snuggled, sang to the worship music she sleeps with and generally had our bonding. Sweet goodnights with her do me very good. Once in my room already certain of returning to #3 who needed a bit extra earlier but had his timing really off so life didn't allow for it I hear #4 sobbing, "I need my Mommy." My heart went out to her because it is hard moving into a new stage of accountability for me as an adult how much more as a child. We were given our time, she clung to me like I saved her from drowning and I didn't let go until her body told me she was ready. You know when they sink into you, relaxed and full of faith again in love. I prayed over her and gently placed her down again no sound remained but the whirring fan, and praise lullabies.

To my sweet baby boy I treked. Well, a short trek with heavy feet for his current path is the hardest he has been dealt thus far. To leave the safety net of home and spend a greater amount of time out in the world takes all of your mind and body daily. He clings to preschool world of being a little boy not embracing all that becoming a boy allows. I weep in my soul for the process he must endure on the trek to grow up and be a man. I would have never guessed that each child would be this different. #1 has a tough road to walk but it is on a path unlike this. Would I have believed someone if they had explained it to me before this time? Nah, probably not. Anyway, I climbed into his bed and engulfed his frame within mine. He was sound asleep but the wrinkles in his forehead told of the stress he felt. This startled him from sleep and he sat upright adjusting to the change. Once aware, mubling something I cannot recall now he laid back in the space I made. I worshiped God with his musc and prayed for my son, for his life. Naturally I sensed his need gone and made my way back to #1. The evening didn't go like I intended for his award ceremony. I wanted to ensure he felt appreciated and knowledgable of his worth.

The recently returned to him door know creeked and warned of my intrusion. I am pretty certain he was using the light G-ma gave to read in bed and thought fast enough to turn off. I snuck it out of the room when I left to end temptation of staying up too late. He asked why I was there, we chatted just a bit me edifying him with my words, then I prayed for him. I could tell he wanted me to demonstrate my faith. Seeds I continue to plant in their spirtual life later. A 2nd goodnight and I left aware this was all he needed from me as well.

I cannot express how thankful I am to be given the time to be here for these kids daily. They are blessed in more ways than I ever imagined and cannot wait to see what God has in store for our future.

Stay tuned ya'll!!