Kinda done
I am learning a lot about myself in the last previous and coming 6 mos. I understand that sometimes a girl has to think of herself even when she naturally and almost always thinks of others. Saying no is ok. I am also learning that I am who I am and no matter what I do there are certain things that will not ever change.
I talk too much, I crave relationships and I care about people. Yet, at the very same time I exert a great deal of effort for people who could care less. For example take Facebook, I comment on most of my friends post because the interaction is the purpose of the infectious terrible place. The sad part is that it is far from connecting people, in fact I think it makes you feel like you do not have to connect because well you know what they are doing already. This way it leaves a facade of "friends". While it is out of reason to completely drop the whole process I can safely say I have stopped my incessant need to "read" everything. I have randomly typed in a few names to see if there is anything new to comment on and then let the rest just go. The same can be said for SLM (the local mommies group I am the Hospitality Manager). Reality is that these moms are beginning to have a very established circle of activities and living life together and well I am not or cannot be a part of it more the once in awhile. There are days it feels like an obligation to respond because I do not get the same feed back I crave anymore. While I am thrilled for these mommas because we all want to share our life, struggles etc with another person living it too, it does sting a bit. I was part of the growth in an active way. However there is one momma whom still lives 35-40 min away that I have made a connection with that sticks. For her I am grateful, she is all the only mom I have that is more than online.
I know God has plans for me, and is raising me to the next level. I can feel it all around me. The ever changing relation of my husband and I. Just when I think we kinda hit the comfort level of being married for longer than many I know it morphs too. We are nearing 13 year, 13. Wow! In that I feel a different closeness that only the real test of time must allow. It is quite odd, the renewing of us even when some days busy lives with the 4 and no more separate too. Aggravation, annoyance etc still is real and often but well we stopped keeping track the same and holding on to it. each night he is not on duty once the kids are in bed all that doesn't exist and we chat sometimes minimal but we move on. How I wish we would have both learned to just let it go a long time ago!
My kids are getting bigger and they consume my life in a whole new way that preschool and toddlers do not. Gone are the days when I can just drag them anywhere I choose just packing activities. Now I must consider their interests in the plan. I need a circle of moms whose kids can share in my kids lives too. It may be that I hang on for the ride a couple more years and these moms I know will all be stepping in the uncharted for them waters of school age kids (not just K which much resembles preschool). I don't really know. What I do know is I am curbing the need to make myself part of every one's lives. Instead I am considering the best way to spend my time online and focusing on increasing in God time not just people time. The real friends, they will still be here.
I talk too much, I crave relationships and I care about people. Yet, at the very same time I exert a great deal of effort for people who could care less. For example take Facebook, I comment on most of my friends post because the interaction is the purpose of the infectious terrible place. The sad part is that it is far from connecting people, in fact I think it makes you feel like you do not have to connect because well you know what they are doing already. This way it leaves a facade of "friends". While it is out of reason to completely drop the whole process I can safely say I have stopped my incessant need to "read" everything. I have randomly typed in a few names to see if there is anything new to comment on and then let the rest just go. The same can be said for SLM (the local mommies group I am the Hospitality Manager). Reality is that these moms are beginning to have a very established circle of activities and living life together and well I am not or cannot be a part of it more the once in awhile. There are days it feels like an obligation to respond because I do not get the same feed back I crave anymore. While I am thrilled for these mommas because we all want to share our life, struggles etc with another person living it too, it does sting a bit. I was part of the growth in an active way. However there is one momma whom still lives 35-40 min away that I have made a connection with that sticks. For her I am grateful, she is all the only mom I have that is more than online.
I know God has plans for me, and is raising me to the next level. I can feel it all around me. The ever changing relation of my husband and I. Just when I think we kinda hit the comfort level of being married for longer than many I know it morphs too. We are nearing 13 year, 13. Wow! In that I feel a different closeness that only the real test of time must allow. It is quite odd, the renewing of us even when some days busy lives with the 4 and no more separate too. Aggravation, annoyance etc still is real and often but well we stopped keeping track the same and holding on to it. each night he is not on duty once the kids are in bed all that doesn't exist and we chat sometimes minimal but we move on. How I wish we would have both learned to just let it go a long time ago!
My kids are getting bigger and they consume my life in a whole new way that preschool and toddlers do not. Gone are the days when I can just drag them anywhere I choose just packing activities. Now I must consider their interests in the plan. I need a circle of moms whose kids can share in my kids lives too. It may be that I hang on for the ride a couple more years and these moms I know will all be stepping in the uncharted for them waters of school age kids (not just K which much resembles preschool). I don't really know. What I do know is I am curbing the need to make myself part of every one's lives. Instead I am considering the best way to spend my time online and focusing on increasing in God time not just people time. The real friends, they will still be here.
I've been thinking this myself too. A lot of times I get this comment from some of the moms that makes it pretty plain to me that they don't understand what it's like to be parenting a teenager along with a 5 year old and two year old. I know it's a huge age gap and it makes parenting that much harder. I'm no longer at the point where i feel the need to read and comment all the time on the SLM board. Not because I don't want to connect to the other mommies but because I just don't have the time. I'm sort of feeling like my time there is done, I've fulfilled whatever task it was that led me there. I'm still loathe to step completely away from the board because it has meant so much to me and my family through out the past two years and there are some "online" friends I'd be sad to see go.
ReplyDeleteI'm like you Elizabeth I apreciate the small group of women I consider real life friends and I'd like to focus more on them and building stronger relationships with them, i'd also like to incorporate more God time in my dat and i'm trying to finish the first half of Magnus's book, a project I might have abandoned a year ago if not for your encouragement.
I've always considered you one of the few moms I can relate to on a human/spiritual level. I'd be sad to not hear from you online all the time..so I guess i'm going to have to pm you my cell phone number so i can text you and whenever I want :)
Even at 2 a.m. right..I mean I need my muse available to me when the creative verve strikes!! LOL
Thanks girl! I know if distance were different you would share in my circle. I am grateful to have you in this blog world where few actually participate!
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