I need a moment
Ok so I am having a moment. You know one of those times when if I were 2 I would kick and scream and throw myself down kinda thing.
We are SUPPOSED to be headed for vacation this coming Tuesday. I say supposed with exaggeration because every piece of my soul wants to say screw it all we aren't going. I DO NOT want to continue on what seems a fleeting search for my 5 year olds DS because he (or one of the other many children) have it in some unknown to all hidden spot. He can tell me with complete detail the last place it was and what the household had going on that day so probably not his fault but I'm still mad. I DO NOT want to figure out what snack/travel items I need to get at Walmart. I do not want to pack the items into something reachable during said drive. The drive where I will have to move around too much to help change and retrieve things to entertain during such drive. I DO NOT want to continue making every last arrangement for our itinerary. I no longer want to finish deep cleaning the house today because we will still be here the next 2 days to mess it up. Yet, if I wait till Monday I will be too tired to do it all. I work at Dispatch till midnight the next 2 nights and have to get up early both following days.
I am uninterested in completing all the packing, loading of the vehicle etc WITHOUT my husband to confirm my details annoying me and leaving us to bicker and drive out crabby. He will after all be waiting for us to pick him up at the Fire Station unstressed because lucky him only has to worry about self. Again my fault, I was the one who picked to leave Tuesday so it was one less vaca day he had to take. I do NOT want to do anything else. I do not want to spend such vaca at every location taking care of #4 so the others can do what she cannot. I do not want to say you go ahead a 100 times like I will so my husband can have a break and have fun. I want to be selfish and send them all on their way and stay home.
Ok well I guess the last was a bit much. I am sure once we are on the road, well 9 hours driving, alright once we arrive I will be happy to get away. I am also sure my husband is not so selfish as to never take #4 and allow me to do big kid things. I am definitely sure that the quality time we will have is worth all the effort cause getting away changes everyone. But for this moment I want to stamp my feet and say I don't wanna!! This is one of those times when the mind forgets all the work into the excitement of something.
Deep breath.... I can do it. I will turn the inspirational music back on forcing Godly words into my worn down mind, speaking to the flesh and strengthening the spirit. But just for a moment I had to say...I DON'T WANNA!!
We are SUPPOSED to be headed for vacation this coming Tuesday. I say supposed with exaggeration because every piece of my soul wants to say screw it all we aren't going. I DO NOT want to continue on what seems a fleeting search for my 5 year olds DS because he (or one of the other many children) have it in some unknown to all hidden spot. He can tell me with complete detail the last place it was and what the household had going on that day so probably not his fault but I'm still mad. I DO NOT want to figure out what snack/travel items I need to get at Walmart. I do not want to pack the items into something reachable during said drive. The drive where I will have to move around too much to help change and retrieve things to entertain during such drive. I DO NOT want to continue making every last arrangement for our itinerary. I no longer want to finish deep cleaning the house today because we will still be here the next 2 days to mess it up. Yet, if I wait till Monday I will be too tired to do it all. I work at Dispatch till midnight the next 2 nights and have to get up early both following days.
I am uninterested in completing all the packing, loading of the vehicle etc WITHOUT my husband to confirm my details annoying me and leaving us to bicker and drive out crabby. He will after all be waiting for us to pick him up at the Fire Station unstressed because lucky him only has to worry about self. Again my fault, I was the one who picked to leave Tuesday so it was one less vaca day he had to take. I do NOT want to do anything else. I do not want to spend such vaca at every location taking care of #4 so the others can do what she cannot. I do not want to say you go ahead a 100 times like I will so my husband can have a break and have fun. I want to be selfish and send them all on their way and stay home.
Ok well I guess the last was a bit much. I am sure once we are on the road, well 9 hours driving, alright once we arrive I will be happy to get away. I am also sure my husband is not so selfish as to never take #4 and allow me to do big kid things. I am definitely sure that the quality time we will have is worth all the effort cause getting away changes everyone. But for this moment I want to stamp my feet and say I don't wanna!! This is one of those times when the mind forgets all the work into the excitement of something.
Deep breath.... I can do it. I will turn the inspirational music back on forcing Godly words into my worn down mind, speaking to the flesh and strengthening the spirit. But just for a moment I had to say...I DON'T WANNA!!
We all have those moments, some of us more frequently than others. Post like this are a healthier way to vent frustrations then the tantrum we would rather throw. So kudos for you for blogging about it rather than throwing that fit. Though seeing SUPER mom throw an epic SUPER human fit would be quite entertaining.
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