Code Purple, Pickles and Push ups

Ok so it has been more than a few days BUUUUUT now there is more to tell. While mid vacation my frustration with my oldest son constant worst case scenario glass is half empty vocalizing tip me over the edge. Something had to be done about this. 13 days till school starts and I cannot envision another year where his mouth prevents him from enjoying all he could be.
For a moment I digress, way back in the beginning of my blogging I made mention of Planet Mom where as your kids age, and as you grow in parenting you move from one part of the planet to another. I feel as though I have had one foot in the toddler/adolescent land for sometime and was testing the waters beyond that place. Well, now someone evicted me and forced me into a new town. I know few people who reside her despite being engrossed in a local mommy’s network. This is like becoming a mom all over again. Darn it, I just got settled in all knowledgeable one role too. LOL.
Back to today’s story: Secretly away from all other children I spoke with #1 son. I explained how it is discouraging and causes tension among people when doom and gloom is about. I had real world examples from our lives to relate and we role played the differences. As soon as I gave an example it was like open mic night and he jumps in providing 100 scenarios of right and wrong. The basic idea is that you can point out something imperfect as long as it is buffered with something positive too. I do not want him to think that he has to disguise how he feels. Yet in the real world we cannot solely see negative. Depression, obesity, shortened life expectancy, loneliness and a slew of terrible things come with being a negative person all the time. We must open our eyes to the good too. Often, seeing the good makes the imperfect less daunting. We decided a code word was needed to prevent a big scene in public to pull him back to the land of happy. Code purple was his first and only choice. My son knows what he loves and rarely sways so code purple it stayed. I used it a bit or two but it seemed simply having the code was enough..at least while on vacation.
A few days later as we all enjoyed time in the hot tub I devised another new plan, (all the while my husband rolling his eyes because I am certain he can barely keep up with my ever changing plans). The rest of the kids had picked up on code purple #2 determined to figure it out and the only one to succeed. I think they wanted to have their own “special code”. In a house with tons of children there are times when I (yep I said it) make an assumption on who or what is to blame for something. Many times I am correct but once in awhile I jump to the wrong conclusion. This actually occurred moments earlier. #3 had slipped unbeknownst to me causing the jet to be covered and spraying water out of the hot tub in a steady stream. I only noticed the spray and began to get after him. He did not stop me, but #2 (thoughtful sister) did. That is when I said we needed a word, a silly one to help lighten the mood and respectfully get my attention. There was much debate, 3 children have very differing opinions but we chose pickles. It was silly enough that you had to smile when saying it, or hearing it mid aggravation. So far it has not been used more than for practice, but it may come up since we are back home.
Lastly, we are left with push ups. It seems #1 is making no heart connections to his habits that push people away. He insists on leading and being in control to the point of isolating others. He longs for friends but only on his terms. He struggles with accepting his inadequacies physically and dealing with others awareness. I have this sense of urgency to help him cope a bit before 4th grade set in. Kids are so unforgiving. I do not expect perfection but he is 10 now and it doesn’t get any easier.
Mom and I were sitting together chatting when #1 had a “moment”. She made the suggestion to me to enforce push ups, explaining the logic. My spin is physically he is filling out, gaining weight. He is my least active child mostly because that is his weakest area. He needs to “do” in order to see. Words don’t cut it anymore. In his younger days all you had to do was explain the hows and whys with as much detail as possible. Now he hears them but the hard knocks of life and natural ways of the world make him shut down. Such a thing is after all a rational tendency for all kids to begin doing at some point. He retorted that he was a preteen back at me just today when I scoffed at a TV show he was watching. Preteen as he may be I had to switch it up to cope with his mind and body. This seems just the ticket. At the very least he will get stronger, and this will cause him to be more aware of his body in conjunction with his mind and mouth. Funny years ago I would have judged such a parent wrongly. Oh how a new set of circumstances makes us rethink. So, here’s goes nothing. Stop back by sometime and see where it all landed.