Why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard to just be still and relax? I mean people who work outside the home are entitled by law to a break and a lunch. So, I should be able to give myself that luxury without guilt each day right? Not so much, you see I joke that I do not believe in napping. Rather I hate to waste the quiet in sleep. I know there is a point to a nap from time to time, but I have yet to determine my perfect amount of time to sleep for feeling rested and renewed. Someday, I am getting older and Lord knows the older you get the more readily you accept a cat nap.
This last couple weeks in the transition of many kids to one has been a roller coaster ride. Course, my life has never been filled with dull dreary boring days either. Today #4 and I remained home minus the school drop off. Not only were we home but the neighbors affectionatly meaning my parents were gone too. It is interesting to feel the still of no one else here. I am reminded of the isolation my previous subdivision left me feeling many a time. It is good here, because it is rare.
My FIL made an unexpected visit due to some drama in his life. I am EVEN more reminded of the resemblance to his son. Man, like father like son is VERY accurate. Except son is grasping the relationship with God which gives you peace that surpasses understanding that Father never had partly with age and partly with religion of choice.
Regardless, we rode bikes with music from my blackberry to keep us singing and her head bopping. However a near crash has made me rethink my lack of helmet. I know I need one, am avid user for the kids but have never spent the money to get one myself. There is never enough to spend and well I pass up this choice. #4 wanted to hold the handle bars and her golf cart driving attempt didn't pop up in my head when I readily shifted my hands to the outer edges. A strong pull to one side by her caught me off guard, coupled with the 2 cars attempting to pass me and each other made for a close one. Yep, gonna watch for a helmet soon. Sorry Guardian Angels, I am pretty sure you saved us, or at least my knees on more than one account here.
After bike riding was horse riding. Though this was abbreviated with a bobcat working nearby and no extra person.
After that was lunch time, then light house work, a couple preschool computer games together because of course she is still learning not to click 500 times with the mouse and bath. If I haven't ever mentioned I HATE to clean showers let me do so know. I HATE IT! After bath the most glorious time of day for any mother, naptime. My original plan it being Friday and all was to completely rest. Yet, changing a load of wash turned in to wiping off the washer and dryer, to cleaning the walls and doors of the laundry room and on. Next thing I know it is 30 minutes in to nap time and I have not eaten anything more than a granola bar and a handful of candy corn all day. STOP I say out loud mostly to myself causing the cat to look up from his nap. I promptly walk to the kitchen make some cereal as nothing else sounds good and prop myself up on the bed to watch the remainder of Ellen and just be. No one notices the marks on the wall but me, the dust on the door, or the baseboards that need to be cleaned. Why is it so hard to just let it all go once in awhile?
I figure I have less than a year to be this flex with my time, I must build in freedom for me too. Maybe I should make a list. It seems my need to complete the list will override the incessant need to keep clean. How silly is all that?