Ebeth's 4 and no more

  If you'd rather skip the lyrics rolling through my mind inspiring this post SCROLL DOWN: Who I'm Meant to be By Anthem Lights lyrics Everyday I run a race Just trying to get ahead Don't think about where I am now Just where I want to be instead I'm loosing so much precious time But will I be satisfied in the end Oh, in the end I don't wanna spend my life Trying to fight for what's not mine I don't wanna lose myself In someone else's dream I know I was made with a purpose To reach past the surface Live life fearlessly I want nothing less Than to be who I'm meant to be Everyone is on their way But I am standing still Comparing my "Behind the Scenes" Against their highlight reel I'm burning so much energy Won't let it keep distracting me anymore Anymore, oh      Who am I meant to be? Yesterday I turned 43. I suppose it is par for the journey OR maybe having kids become adults?? Either way on this Mother's Day like sadly a few yea...

       Will they remember all the nights I stayed past them and finished their chores, cleaned up their messes or organized their stuff? Will they remember when they went to work, or friends' friends leaned their room s personal assignment? Will they remember the early morning hours I pushed past tired to make the daily activities happen?      This was my thought tonight as I changed my youngest load from the washer to the dryer. She was already snug in her bed, likely not sleeping. But then I realized do I? Do I recall the same of my mother? I am an only child, so there is a bit of uneven comparison from 1 to 4. However, I am certain she did the very same for me. I recall the night in 6th grade when she hand sewed my pom-pom skirt for a performance the next day. (Yes, I did do that for 1 year). But really other than that moment I do not ever think I knew her self-sacrifice. Does that make me unaware or ungrateful?      This is the quest...

     How many days of isolation/quarantine does it take to break you down? I don't mean curl up in a fetal position, but I am referring to a struggle mentally with embracing a positive outlook overall.      First it depends upon what time frame you calculate. Last Wednesday, March 18th was my kids first day home. Home being a relative word for the oldest daughter. She had a friend spend the night because we knew it would likely be quite sometime to be together again. She spent the night with that friend for her bday a day later and then babysat her special needs cousin because her mom had to work. SO, for her the first day started on March 25th. On the other hand, I could say my date began on March 24th. I worked the first day with no kids in the classroom then proceeded to make phone conferences, and finish up church work, along with school work, I met parents for forgotten things. Regardless of the actual date, we calculate the beginning clearly. Is there...

   If you know me, then you know I like to reflect, analyze, jest, and much more. I rarely spend time with people who think like m, whicht frustrates me beyond all else. This however is no surprise to God, my creator. Knowing that is true, also knowing that He does all things for a defined purpose I am left with more thinking and pondering.      Joy-what makes YOU feel joy? Like truly sunshine on a rainy day, walking on clouds kinda joy? Don't get all lame with me by saying chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven, or the sound of spring rain on a day you do not have to get out of bed. I mean JOY written in all caps? 2 things come to my mind first. One when I am with my entire family talking, enjoying each other's company. We can be at home playing a game, watching tv/movie WITHOUT devices in hands or out and about anywhere.           The 2nd thing is intellectual conversation. For example I recently had an incredible discussion wi...

  2020... hope...perfect vision...clarity.. a fresh start All of the above are ways to describe this New Year's Day. Maybe it's because it has been 10 years since the start of a new decade, or maybe because I was knee deep in the chaos of many small children, but I do not recall there being such a big deal about the year in 2010. Social Media has blossomed enough to impact the sharing of ideas, perspectives, challenges, age, etc., that it is a bigger deal because the world is sharing on a bigger scale. No matter how you look at it, new beginnings are filled with incredible hope and anticipation. From a biblical standpoint, it also led leans toward having a deeper meaning. For now though, want to share the roller coaster of a day today turned out to be. After sleeping till 7:40, (which is very late for me), I got up, made coffee, cleaned up the kitchen and reorganized the pantry. Yep folks, that is the crazy of me on a break from my jobs. I completed my Start Today journal, read...