Ebeth's 4 and no more

My little daughter is in the window of time when they are sweet and innocent. You want to give them everything just to see the joy wash over their entire body. They make the world seem like the best place to be in the smallest of moments. I am trying my best to hold onto every single second because she is it and I will grieve the loss when it is gone. I also find that knowing this means I am driven to make her dreams come true, including partially considering getting a dog for her. Thankfully my hubby is pretty determined to not get a dog because well they are like having another child. Yet, I know in my heart she would live with that dog even want it to sleep in her bed. I imagine the sad day when she is transitioning to leave our house and the dog declines in health too. But I picture the middle with me watching out the window or off the deck at her being just like me, teaching it to do tricks or whatever else she may think of  (probably stunting with her for cheer or something)....

Being a mom of 4 and no more truly means that there is next to never a time when I get to be sick, relax and/or rest longer than a moment or two. But it also means I get to interact daily with little people as they grow. Also I get to assist in God's amazing design of them becoming useful members of our world fulfilling a specific purpose. Whew, that was a fancy way of saying I get to do the grunt work like teaching them to wear new clothes each day so they don't smell and are clean (#3). To not react in anger when others treat you unfairly but give them the same Grace God gives us daily (#1), to maintain humility despite public talents (#2), and lastly to be obedient while tempering a leader personality (#4). Yep, I "get" to do a whole lot more than I ever could have imagined being a mom entailed. Well, and then EVERY time I rest in my knowledge as a seasoned parent these grand kiddos of mine knock some sense into me. Today was another of those bright times. What pr...

Feels like I have been here forever.... Why can't you just intervene...                                                                                           You never said the road would be easy, But you said you would never leave. So, I'll stop searching for the answers I'll stop praying for an escape. I'll trust you God with where I am. Believe that you will just have your WAY!~        Listen by clicking here Although I am not in the struggle that this song describes it speaks to me so deep within my soul I just have to listen over and over. I remember being in this place, I can feel how quickly life takes you from comfort to desperation. It reminds me of God's faithfulness and the truth that regardless of which emotio...

Yay for today! This day was glorious, exhausting and restful all wrapped in one. How does that happen? My youngest son requested I sleep in as long as I could because he had a belated bday present for me. He even closed the bedroom door when he arose but when I got up he was nowhere to be found. Then I headed off for my first ever 5K. Sure I have walk/run one before but this was the first time I started with the pack and ran the entire race. I made some observations. 1- Do NOT line up near the front of the pack because you will get bumped and jolted as the true seasoned racers push their way ahead of you 2- Do NOT take my cell phone on the run because it will annoy you as it smacks your body 3- Do NOT wear a pouch to carry anything because when you tuck it into your pants to stop the bumping it will rub your skin raw 4- 3.1 miles seems so much longer when you are not at home Once the pack spread out a bit I found my pace. It is tricky figuring out how fast to run with so ma...

As birthdays go this one did not top the list. While it started off fairly nice, quiet time to complete personal devotions and opening of a few prebirthday presents (as in delivered prior to today). BUT then from the world's view it all went downhill, missing staff lunch at one job and then drinks etc at another. Good thing my outlook isn't based on circumstances and emotions alone. Instead as I made my 4 to 5 time a week run I reflected on all that had gone correct. First, I missed the PTL delivered drinks but did get there in time for the monthly birthday treats. Not only that but my sweet class insisted I don't look in the room when I headed to my office then showered me with hugs and birthday cards at class time. ( I teach half the day gifted and resource then half with 1st graders while the morning teacher is asst principal). Then I recalled the highlight of the week. Facebook can be silly with so much unnecessary information, but then again it can be a window into pe...

While the title of this post may make you wonder as I personally have 2 boys and 2 girls but this isn't so much about my crew but an interesting book I am reading. Book you ask your self? Who has time for reflective reading? Well this book is a mere 110 pages and truly makes you think. It is such an easy read, so much so I am on my second read because I didn't "get it" at all the first time. You can roll right on from chapter to chapter since many are just a couple pages. BUT the idea is instead to take a chunk and walk away reflecting first, learning next. I have said this before so forgive me for the broken wheel. I am learning 35 (4 more days actually), and have entered the next phase of my life in such as the round number, in my child rearing years as the ages of my kids allow for more freedoms, my marriage working on year 14, and in my spiritual growth too. I don't know if it is from my position on staff at church, coupled with my teaching at a God filled ...

Work is the appropriate word for relationships specifically marriage. As I enjoyed sunny, warmer weather for my run I debated such concepts. I recalled hearing or reading some wise person saying that we have to make conscious choices not emotional ones. There are days in every relationship where you just don't like the other person. I mean I love my husband don't misunderstand me for one second. But well we are so very different too. He is day I am night, he is non fiction, I am love story. He is quiet, I am music. He is still and relaxed, I am busy and active. In these things we compliment each other yet we drive each other crazy too. My meta cognition resulted in a greater awareness that I just didn't want to do anything about the distance I "feel" currently. Instead I want to sit back an not care at all, be annoyed and justified in my tone. Yet I recall that only a short couple weeks ago during a similar run I felt immense adoration for him, thanking God for s...

This is the question I answer most of the day. When you are the mom of 4 kids, the youngest being 3 this is expected. Then when you teach 1st graders, 2nd and Kindergarten um yeah more why's. But it has become an increasing observation of mine that we adults ask why a lot too. Why do I let me kids this? Why do other parents who are not even present to defend themselves do such and such? Why do we need, take or have to be here or there? So many questions so little time. I am guilty of this line of thinking, I suppose to be empathetic one must put themselves in the frame of mind of others but there is a fine line. Either way the best question happened this evening, while at dance, when I was asked, "Do I like to run?". Hmm, I took a literal step back and paused. Well, "Yes, part of the time." It was at that point that our conversation was interrupted and I headed out before my allotted time before class was over ended. Being the first time I ran from this locat...

I just finished reading http://travisjenny.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-no-his-yes.html It made me reflect in just the opposite way. You see there have been SO MANY TIMES I was stubbornly set upon doing or having something beyond rationale or prayer. I set out to be married in 1998 so badly that hubby and I jumped into a boat neither of us were emotionally prepared for just yet. Then I was determined to move forward in the steps of future that we tried getting pregnant for 9 long months while I worked on finishing my Bachelors degree. God knew I needed to do one thing at a time but solely focused on achieving an end goal NOW I trucked on having no concern for his will for my life. Well, then there was the pregnancy fairly easy but ending in an early delivery, unwanted c-section and surprise unexplained imperfections (extra finger, dislocated hips). Still unshaken I moved on in a naive level of parenting certain of my future. It was this blindness that led me through 5 surgeries in his f...

Moments before our last baby was born Tonight I went to meet my cousin who is having a baby. Awhile back I offered to help her with the baby registry stuff because well it is hard the first time around. Companies have smart marketing campaigns that create things like a mattress cover for a baby mattress that oh is waterproof anyway! I remember vividly how daunting the task was and thought I could be helpful. Time treked forward as it always does and BAM she is 6 months pregnant. Whew that was like a blink for me, an hour's drive away that is. She called and wanted my help after her and fiance got frustrated. My sidekick and I The crew and our parade traditions Fast forward to tonight and it was tons of fun. I shared my opinion or suggestion of preference on some things that made no matter. In turn she said several times, "Just tell me which to pick." We sat in the registry chairs for a few minutes to chat and then each went our own ways. As I drove though...

First let me preface by the fact that I previously was a stay at home mom for 5 years until this past fall. It would be safe to jump to the assumption that I SO remember what it is like to do the unpaid mom gig. EXCEPT in my selfish comparison I actually had multiple children at home, AND didn't have anyone to get our children ready for me before I head to work. BUT, since I recognize that God did not create men and woman equal, including my husband who has a role very different than me it is unfair to expect him to be me. I mean I didn't want a husband just like me. We WOULD kill each other I am sure! :) Anyway, let me now add an important fact that hubby is an AMAZING Dad! He can also cook a great meal, manage our 10 acres outdoors wise, among other very important things I do not do well myself. Now having mentioned all of that which didn't need to be said let me get to the main event. Today, the second official day hubby was home involved NO children until he pick...

One never stops learning, well unless they decide to live in ignorance and pride that is. I have heard that statement and made that notion emphatically to my own children and school children. But when you think/reflect on it do you really believe that you yourself ACTUALLY keep learning? Sure a new product helps cook, clean or whatever better than before or even an old product used in a new way counts as learning. Yet, deep within the core of who I am I am layer by layer uncovering things about myself like never before. I have had my fair share of trials, struggles and problems. I have lived with next to nothing, no heat but a kerosene heater in a closed off bedroom at night naive to inhalation concerns. I have had no shower but a bathtub only and torn up parts of a house to better my surroundings. I have made choices between eating and bills much in my younger years too. I have encountered death of people near and dear, brokenheartedness and more. I am certain there or MANY who h...

Those that know me personally are quite aware Disney is upon us. We head out in 1 hour and 55 minutes. While there is a few last minute things like taking a shower impending to do I woke up knowing how I wanted to document a bit of my day yesterday. Life is full of obstacles, opportunities, challenges. (Ya love my constant positivity he he). Being that I am responsible for a decent amount running smoothly at my church, and my teaching job I had things that had to be completed before we leave. Once all kid were dropped off at their 3 schools along with taking time to ooh and aah youngest son's 100th day project I made my way to church. Wednesday mornings are my day to set up there for the weekend. About 5 miles from arriving the battery light (ya know the one that looks like a battery) appears and the steering turns difficult, like hugely difficult causing me to use both hands for basic curving in the road. I call my safety net when it comes to cars my dad. He doesn't answer,...

Help!                                                    I hid my candy corn bag from my kids and cannot find it.  Yep I am serious. I fasted candy for 8 days as part of a fasting and prayer time with my church. Ha! That didn't do much for me in the way of my addiction either because it took one day to be back into the swing of desire to eat it. Thankfully I do not have stashes in every random place so desire without resources is a good thing.  Anyway, apparently I do not really like fresh candy corn. It tastes different after the bag has been opened for awhile. Today I forgot to eat breakfast, didn't have much for lunch since I packed my own in a huge hurry and was home for 10 minutes before leaving again to PTO meeti...

Yay today: Snuggle/one on one time at bedtime with kids was met with many special moments. #4 asked me to put my head on her shoulder as I sang Hush Little Evangelene with her and doted kisses, and kind words like any good mini momma would. Laughing with her quite possibly cures all ailments. #3 snuggled like little man always does more concerned about my comfort and well being than his own. We did have to chat about lying/half truth kinda stuff he has come to readily do but that too was a 2 way conversation. #2 snuggles up close and personal as her love language is CLEARLY touch and words of affirmation. She chatted about her friends and boys they like including her own feelings. I love watching her cautious words, pauses in between waiting for me to drop the ball and act too parent like. Instead I know to listen more to insert advice little in this moment. I am after all setting the ground work for teenage years and a comfortable trust for us two. #1 well he sneaked in on every r...

Ah yes, Dr. Dobson enlightened me let me tell you when he explained about the hormones and their effect on girls/boys brains during this trying time for kids. I think the part that sums it all up most is that they will turn on a dime. They are responsible and grown up but all of a sudden it is as if they reverted to years younger and throw a fit, or just act clueless only to turn it back on again and be their age. I recognize this in my oldest so often lately. He seems to get it, I mean really get that attitude counts and he has to be aware of others and surroundings. But then BAM he smacks his brother or breaks something and I blow up. Well, yeah no use in sugar coating it. The toddler like meltdown of him and his 7 year old sibling and/or 3 year old sister usually puts me over the edge too. I get too stern and lose my patience. But as I am pushing them to work on these things I am too. I force myself to snap out of it and apologize praying that my humanity speaks to theirs and we le...

SO, despite my words of trying to not "figure" IT out I apparently played it out in my head and heart. Ya know when you have your heart set on one thing so when that doesn't happen it feels like a direct blow. The kinda blow that knocks the wind out of you. That is exactly what I felt like today. I teach at a Lutheran School. While I am non-denominational I never got the impression that there were sides in this God life. I look at Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran etc as people who have various interpretations of the Bible. I have not personally researched the differences because honestly I know my beliefs and that is what matters most. In the end I do feel as long as any of those "labeled" people have accepted Christ as their Lord they too will meet me in Heaven some day....End of Story in my book. Silly, naive as that was it is simply how I felt with people of faith, real Bible based faith anyway. Then no surprise will be seen when I tell you that today the line...

Tonight I met a 72 year old momma/grandmomma to 10 kids (12 if you count the two who died). She was mostly in shape, and elegantly older. I mean she clearly was full of wisdom and life experiences but didn't scream old lady. She walked and talked with clarity and sound mind, she was rational and amazing. I feel blessed having chatted with her for just 10 short minutes. Not only that but it is assurance for me that my vision of aging with my kids can look just like that! I am in awe at her stability and words. I am pretty sure she enjoyed my sincere compliments at her wisdom too. Isn't it funny how we go about life and never notice the strangers we come across. I mean I try to smile, nod and get off the cell phone but I don't always look at the faces I see. Here she has been, at this place crossing my path before but never did I take a minute to see her. This thought reminds me of a song Listen I think if I would get on board with this kind of thinking it would help me be...

This year has kicked off with accomplishment.... I had a couple things I was hoping to get done this winter break. One is the organization of the preschool supplies at church. Since I am in charge of preschool for both campuses, and in that time we had to move storage out and into a new building. It was imperative to have it all accessible for us to keep cost down and make best use of things. That I completed this past Tuesday. It only took me 5 hours even!  BEFORE  The only thing left was my own personal storage area. It basically is the only room which doesn't have drywall, and really could be a very small bedroom. Once upon a time it was to be hubby's work space, then my craft space, then random mess. Like really I let my riffling through teaching supplies turn in to a take your life in your own hands kinda experience. As shocking as that may be to those who have spent time with me here is photo documentation. You just never know what is behind closed doors right? A...

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh! There is a mountain of laundry on my bed/moving to the floor so I can sleep. This seems to be the weekly event when it takes me 3 days to get things put away only to need to do it all over again. Yep this is me these days. I know I have said it before and I am sure I will say it again but man I just cannot seem to get a balance. I really need my Wednesday mornings to stay on top of the mounting house duties that hubby at his 6 days a week jobs and my 6 to 7 days too. But well for now I have to set up the 2 churches preschool classes (children's church) I am heading up. I know that it is only a matter of time, my goal of Jan 1 is reachable but man oh man it also seem so darn far away. That and well I keep adding more responsibility to my life. IE my promotion, yep I said it promotion. My title has changed to resource teacher because well I a...