Ebeth's 4 and no more

Does anyone remember the movie "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson? There was a section of the movie where he created, with the help of hearing someone's thoughts, a commercial for Nike with a woman running. Every single piece of that ad speaks the truth for me. I run because it is the only place I am free. I keep thinking there is a term for how I feel. New terms develop every day to classify behaviors, experiences, and more. Neurodivergent, Empath, avoidant of various sorts, and on to name a few. Logic and reality scream you are not alone in the varied nature of emotions. If you have been following along, see my "I see in color" post for reference. Despite a reasonable awareness of truth, the struggle is real to keep the lies at bay. Here I am, workout clothes on, hair pulled back, and shoes tied, ready to hop on the treadmill for the exercise I don't want to do and know is everything I seek. The cycle goes something like this: 1. Turn on the treadmill, musi...

Each and every time I sit down to type something, I envision a scene from the movies. The writer is some brilliant actress with a bit of a perfectionistic streak, and they type then delete on repeat before composing some elaborate, thorough, yet touching piece of sentimental written artwork. Then comes the scratching of a record, abruptly halting the image. In reality, it's just me sitting here, yielding a keyboard in lieu of a pen, and a jumbled meshing of thoughts and ideas which, at times, elicit a reaction or two, but less often these days. Despite all the doubt of the exposure even being worth it, I forge on with making an attempt at conveying a speck of what's on my mind. "Choose your hard." Those words ring steadily and without fail, over and over. Grief has been so up close and personal as of late. I am not even referring to my own personal process, but the people around me wading in or even worse, plunging into the deep end where I am already. Our shared real...

James 5:7-8: "Never grow tired of waiting, for the Lord's return is near." While I know that these aren't the exact words of the scripture, I also know that Christ's return is the second part of the first scripture. Those specific words are how I journaled my summary of what it says, written boldly on the top line and giving me cause to pause. Never grow tired, never grow tired. Tired of hope, tired of people, tired of life's many challenges, tired of the weight life stacks on, tired of the drag against the forward momentum of goals and dreams, tired of striving to be. Be... Be..... Be what? Be stronger, smarter, more persistent, less irritable, more meaningful, kinder, happier, healthier, wiser, gentler, content, and on, is like a reckless toddler on a rampage. My thoughts are a minefield. Everywhere I turn, it can be safe or it can all blow up. I often feel as though I can never stop calculating, reflecting on, and choosing every step. Is this just me? I rar...