10 years and counting

This past Tuesday marked a milestone for two of us. #1 my firstborn son turned 10, thus making me a mom for an actual decade. Whew! While it is true I have 4 bright eyed and bushytailed kiddos it is hard to believe it was that long ago when it all began. Take a walk with me down memory lane...
For 9 months my husband and I tried to concieve a baby. I being the impatient one at the time hated the length of time it took but now am very thankful God had a better plan. I had no idea what was in store for me. We attended prenatal classes, going through the motions for what many moms do. I was sad at first when I found out this child was a boy. Again God so knew exactly what we both needed to have or be. I stressed out when the time came nearer and baby showers had not taken place. I strong-armed my MIL to buy the breastpump and carseat she promised prior to the shower which was 3 weeks before my due date. Again God had intervined on my behalf because 3 1/2 weeks early in a breech position my water broke. I cried knowing there was no turning back and nothing about the day was in my hands. My husband hurried from his overnight job, picked up his paycheck and deposited it from 2nd job and headed home to me. We raced to the hospital as labor had begun and excitedly dreamed of the day ahead. Another letdown came when in fact my fears were true, breech and a c-section. Due to my doctor's schedule I was pushed till 1pm despite this all beginning at 6:50am. Minor contractions, but felt more than minor at times took place while I was unprepared for waiting or 5 days in the hospital. Dear Aunt D came to the rescue when a courier of snacks, cards and magazines arrived.
It was finally time, by now Mom and Dad as well as Mike's youngest brother and his wife awaited our return. They wheeled me back and a nervous hubby stood by for his turn to join me. I was given a spinal and something else probably because I was so tense which left me completely blank after his birth. I remember feeling woozy, them giving me more meds, a baby cry and then a teeny little face nose to nose near my arms. That is it. I know at some point I was aware he had 11 fingers but I cannot even concretely tell you when that was said.
I know the story of hubby walking along side the little 5lb 4oz creature being rushed off to the nursery. He expressed that all was well, and #1 in fact had 11 fingers, in the shuffle leaving family to question the seriousness of such a statement. It most certainly would not be beyond a possibility my husband would say something to catch people off guard. That is it, nada, nothing else about that day is recalled. I know at some point Aunt D arrived taking her typical bazillion pictures, thankfully. I know I was put in what once was the best corner room but now only held one patient and was teeny. I know I had to buy a nursing bra because I was COMPLETELY unprepared for what came of that! I know that it was painful to laugh, cry, cough, sit up or anything to do with my stomach. I also remember arguing with the nurses to keep the ice pack for my incision beyond the first day. I will never forget the sweet woman from my prenatal class that appeared to say hello and I actually asked when she was having her baby when she already had, blushing oops. I was blessed with a unicornat or something like that uterus. It means only part of the uterus expands when I am pregnant causing more pressure on my viens for later babies BUT the great part allowing me to in fact look less pregnant when I left the hospital. Ya know I don't think anyone tells you that even though the baby leaves the belly the belly does not look like it doesn't have a baby that day.
I digress, I heard the doctors tell me that my sweet baby had dislocated hips. That he may in fact need surgery someday, that he was any less than perfect. I took that sweet boy home with out a care in the world. I went from doctor appt to appt hearing but refusing to believe that he was in fact less than perfect. I didn't understand low muscle tone, hip dyplasia or any of the other words they through at me. I became well versed in procedures, and treatments all the while never losing faith God had a plan. I cried a tear or two when my faith in God wasn't enough to avoid surgery after surgery. I never accepted he would be less than a normal little boy.
Time flew and names, mastocytosis, macrocelephely, siezures and more was added to the list. First steps and therapies became a welcome addition to the rigor of being a mom. Body casts while burdensome were another stepping stone in our lives together. I will not sit here and say that I didn't struggle with having the less than normal child. That I was stabbed in the heart everytime a child said, "Mommy look at the size of that baby's head," or "Ma'am your son can't be here with a contagious disease.", referring to the spots all over his body which were not a contagious disease.
I felt afraid, alone and completely uncapable of taking care of him after the first surgery. He had a cast from ankles to mid belly with an opening for a diaper. I was unprepared for adapting life and coping with his pain. This challenge too passed and behold it made us both stronger. He proved the will to push through would never waiver and I became likeminded for him. I was the rock my husband stood upon, leaving me to make every medical descision alone. He was not strong enough to think clearly through the terrible words they used at times. I was the eternal optimist to those not too near, the undaunting advocate as well. Somewhere the "show" of strength settled in to a reality.
The day #2 was born and I held her in my arms, healthy, solid and strong and very much unlike her brother the foggy glasses disappeared. I later weapt for I knew what everyone around me saw when they looked at #1. I am glad I lived in denial because faith comes not by sight.
Fastforward to today. From the outside one would never know of his struggles, only a piece I actually shared. He is not done being healed, there is still room for more of God's grace in his physical body. Yet, I know that listening to him talk, hearing his mind think as different from my own thinking as it is is a testiment of God's word remaining true. I also know that I became a confident, relaxed mom prepared to handle any obstacle in my kids path to success. I do not have all the answers but am not the same person I was 10 years ago either. Good thing, because I have a feeling that was nothing compared to the next 10 years ahead.....