Naive yet again

For those of you not part of my everyday let me just say after 4 kids I swear I would have thought anything my youngest does is expected. Yet she proves me wrong time and time again. Now today the light bulb is changed and my awareness intact for toddler world has TRULY begun.
There are 2 toddler worlds, one which us moms expect just as they turn 18mos to 2. They become more independent mostly in a good way and can function on their own from time to time. They get frustrated when communication is an issue but overall is sweet bliss because rebellion, REAL rebellion has not fully kicked in. We say oh yep they are a toddler now, talk about the blips on the horizon from the precious new discoveries as they learn to navigate the world as a walker/runner/climber. Oh and the words begin to flow making life ore simple, understanding is powerful.
THEN there is the stage that hits usually after they turn 2 but for some kids closer to 3, or even a rarer few sooner than 2 who become holy TERRORS! They knowingly disobey, smile or smirk as they do it and do NOT care about any means of punishment. I imagine this is where potential abusers pop up and harm the seemingly innocent young child. It can be difficult to not overreact when NOTHING but distraction actually works. I mean who wants to spank a child for doing something harmful ie running in the street and watch them care less?? Though absolutely NOT implying abuse is justified EVER!
I have officially hit stage 2 with my elusive redheaded whirlwind. #1 really never hit this stage as his physical limitations changed his toddler days leaving no option. I imagine this is why there are times when he just doesn't get it. I do hope he doesn't revisit this stage and make up for lost time in the teen years. #2 had it very bad for a period of I am not sure how many months. It was an eternity while in it. She threw CRAZY full blown head slamming, body flailing, kicking and screaming tantrums wherever she was. I removed her from a store many a time. Ignore tactic did work at home but swooping up, removal of audience and a swift reminder to the behind did do the trick. #3 well he would scream at me, literally scream at me and I would scream back. It seems when he escalated to that point a calm whispering voice did nothing to gain his attention. Poor cousin C spent 3 days a week at my house during that time and avoided the entire situation. But every time once we had our toe to toe in your face never backing down revelation that I am momma hear me roar it was reset until the next time. Without that confrontation he believed himself the winner if I distracted or ignored and it came back full circle until we met in the ring so to speak. Thankfully this lasted a short period and he is my biggest lover not fighter now. Funny how they morph from one to the other then back is such a time.
Back to my littlest piece of life. In the last 24 hours she has broken a special plate of her Aunts, as in picked up looked at me and before I could get it back chucked it and smiled. She has dumped out several buckets of items, climbed in the pantry to get what I said she could not have (I am so waiting for the shelves to come crashing down soon), retrieved fruit and other items from the fridge, carried and spilled popcorn as many places as she felt. Brought me every one's tooth brushes attempting to put toothpaste on them, pulled out 50 wipes from the container, unmade my made bed, taken my drink 6 times and ran away to chug as much as possible till I took it saying I drink all mommies. She has instructed, no demanded "Get me dressed I go GG's house," in order to eat breakfast there. She also said, "Last time you do it," when asked to put her clothes in the dirties. There is more but I think you get the point. Time out is a waste of every one's time, either she doesn't fully stay there because I moved away or she waits the timer out. Spanking makes no matter either. I am left with telling her no and removing her or the item. Glorious times these days we are in. As of late I am holding my breath for her to figure out if she can climb in the crib she can also climb out and then maybe starting the van next LOL. With that little girl you just never know....