I love this little girl!!

When I hear people say they are not sure they could love any subsequent children as much as they love their first I shake my head. That is one of those comments that there is no use responding. No matter what I say there is a certain amount of disbelief that comes with any response you have to offer. I myself never agreed with the stories of the Grinch expanding heart and the like. But day in and day out I look at my kids, at least in the still quiet moments, and can't help but be amazed at the love I feel. How can one person truly love this many people?
When I was pregnant with #4 it was tough. My MIL who had Alzheimer's spent two weeks in the hospital dying, the pregnancy itself was much harder than the rest and I am convinced I was depressed. I wished I could not be pregnant often but knew better than to repeat such thoughts. Labor did not go as I wanted and she was the only child I was forced to schedule my delivery. Something about picking the day to have a baby seemed wrong like it was simply scheduling a teeth cleaning or something. It was a lonely time in the hospital with just her where I barely saw my husband and my son's never even visited. I look back now and think why did I worry about the inconvenience on people in order to have that time as a family of 6?
Nonetheless, her first year I wished away because it was just plain hard. Babies are hard, this is true with your first or your 4th. But now she is 2 1/2 and I am able to look past the baby frustrations and fully grasp the lasts. We spend day in and day out together minus a thing or two and she is most precious to me. I can watch her interacting with the horses which she adores and smile. I am engulfed in that warm, tingling sheer bliss that only a mom can possibly feel.


She says, "Beat me Mommy." Her words for chase me and we laugh, zig zagging until she is caught. I scoop her up, tickle and then set her down only to do it again and again. I could go on with this never ending priceless, meaningless and memorable stuff that makes up my days. But instead I will remind you that life is short and the relationships we make are all that we take to Heaven.