Today is one of THOSE days..

Today is one of those days..ya know when your demeanor is overall ungrateful, attitude is frustrated and/or discouraged and ya just don't want to take care of anyone even yourself. I didn't get a lot of sleep the last few nights mostly by my own bad choices. After I put the kids to bed night time is the only ME time I get. I mean, I can't clean or work around the house because I need the house to stay quiet and dark. I am tired so I have no energy to organize things that could wait. I hole up in my room and do whatever I want. That too is a loose term as part of my "whatever" equals tying up loose ends, responding to e-mails, organizing schedules etc. Next thing I know it is 10:00 and I just feel relaxed. Sleep feels like it steals my sanity by filling up the last bit of selfish peace I have. This is a most ridiculous notion, really I can build a break in my day but I choose to let petty needs like having every last crumb swept, or every finger print from the precious gifts God has given me disappear.
I think for this coming new year I will have to get out my lesson plan book and make them for my days. I need a schedule to clean, to cook, to teach the not mine and mine child here with me Mon-Fri. I need time to break, and more importantly I need time to study God's word. I thrive on controlling my environment. Life is often out of control when you have a husband, 4 kids, a extra to train up and teach for 10 hours a day (holy cow I never noticed it is that long), and 2 others from time to time too. Let's not forget a FIL that I swear I am his administrative assistant, and my parents whom I am landlord. Yep, I need control for me to stand still in the constant spin.
Feeding the spirit, soul and body are necessary parts of every day but distraction comes like a thief to kill any semblance I had at the start. Also, having an extra person arrive and jostle me awake and "on call" is making my mornings "work" and not balanced. Who can pop out of bed everyday without taking a breath for themselves? As I write I believe I have hit the 10 nails on the head. I need to get back to getting up, working out/running and taking my shower in solice of me, myself and God. Ugh, that means 5:30 am starts, and thereby means I cannot stay up till 11 or 12 each night either.
Man, being a responsible proactive adult sometimes just SUCKS! Wish me luck. I really should start Dec 1st. Jan doesn't HAVE to be the beginning of change.

Comments

  1. Katie&GregNovember 30, 2010 at 3:46 PM

    Praying for you, Elizabeth. I totally understand. Only I am so wiped by 9:30 that I usually crash on the couch. :) Here's to a new year and a new schedule.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousNovember 30, 2010 at 5:14 PM

    Here's to some you time. Time for rejuvenation and connecting with God.

    ReplyDelete

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